Friday, May 17, 2013

Melvin, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

A day like today is one that is cherished by teenagers the world over. They go out, hang out with friends, attempt to underage drink and the like. In a world where popular kids rule, and those who are not drool, a certain young woman attempts none of the sort.

“Let’s review our plans for tonight, Melvin,” said Salma to her pet komodo dragon.

“If things work out tonight, the North Koreans will deliver the goods on time,” she continued while shuffling the papers on her desk.

Salma, as one might imagine, is not your typical 15-year-old high-school girl. Whereas some of her peers aim to get in touch with the cool kids, she’s already in touch with some of the world’s powerful people.

She got up from her comically large office chair and walked away from her desk and screen-covered wall to get some Graham’s crackers.

“Get me some, too, you little shit! I’m fucking dying of starvation down here!” squealed Melvin, the green little reptile, from under the titanium desk.

Salma turned around and gave a stink-eye in his direction.

“One more curse word out of you and it’s back to the cage with your ass!”


The interaction took place in her room. Not inside her actual room, mind you. That’s only what her parents think. Expanded space lied beyond her wall and it is only accessible through a secret door hidden in her closet. The space was twice as large as her own sleeping quarters and the darkness set the mood for the heinous decisions being made inside it. Only lit by the multiple screens and gadgets, that lair remains her only escape from the real world.

She built her lair a couple of years ago, back when she was fed up with people and with the universe. Melvin, as verbally abusive as he was, did kind to her and represented her own personality in miniature dragon form. A chance encounter on a hot summer day in an Oklahoma marsh sealed their friendship forever when Salma saved him from being gator grub.

“I’m out of Graham crackers. Dammit. I really don’t want to venture downstairs,” Salma let out with a sigh.

“You gotta go down there some time. I know you’d absolutely love the idea, but you can’t stay in here forever!” Melvin barked with a self-satisfaction that smelled worse than his own feces.

“While that may be true, there’s still work to do,” said Salma, fixing herself a mug of Hershey’s hot cocoa. “And my latest plan is about to come to fruition. I’m overseeing this one personally.”

She walked back to her chair with a sly grin gracing her face as the sudden realization hit her.

“Wait a minute. Personally? That can only mean one thing!” Melvin exclaimed with a whisper and drew a look of shock and awe.

“That’s right, Melvin.”

The young woman sat down and placed her hot mug next to a large black-and-white picture of an infamous teen heartthrob with a large ‘X’ crossed his face.

“It’ll be a historic moment,” Salma began as she typed on her virtual keyboard. “When the music stops next time, we’ll be rid of that Bieber fever shit forever.”

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