Friday, April 26, 2013


I woke up at around noon with my bladder acting as my very own inconvenient alarm clock. The sad part is that I can't throw the fucking thing away like I would an iPhone. Thus, I was forced to empty it at my nuclear holocaust of a bathroom.

The full bladder prompted me to run there, only to notice the unexpected lack of toilet water. I tried flushing, but the mechanism took no effect. Feeling the weight of my bladder converting into pain, I stopped trying to figure out what the problem was and I quickly thought up of a way to salvage what was left of my urinary system.

"Fuck it, I'll use my roommate's bathroom."

I rushed into my soon-to-be sanctuary, which later turned out to be only the second gravest mistake I've made in the past 12 hours, ranking right after not taking a piss before I slept.

In front of me, a tall, curvy, womanly figure lied face-down inside the bathtub. She wore what appeared to be a skimpy outfit and a pair of black high heels.

In a panic, I turned around to exit through the wide-open door, only to see my roommate's red, sweaty face. He carried a couple of Walmart bags that were filled to the brim with Drano and other acidic cleaning materials. The bags dropped to the floor immediately after the realization of my discovery hit him like a Mike Tyson uppercut.

"Khalid, why is there a dead hooker in your bathtub?" I asked in the slowest, least trembling tone I could muster up.

"Nayefo you gotta help me!" he screamed. "I didn't mean for you to find out about this!"

"So your best solution was to dissolve her in acid? That shit doesn't work in real life!" I retorted.

The bright side from all this was that I didn't need to go to the bathroom anymore, judging from the warm liquid passing between my toes.

"Did you just pee your pants?" Khalid asked, looking at the large yellow stain gracing his formerly clean floor.

"Shut up! You killed a fucking hooker!" I shot back. "I came here to pee in the first place when I made the gruesome discovery."

"Besides, how do you know she's dead?"

"She isn't breathing, mate."

"I can check on her again all the same."

But before I could act, there was a knock on the apartment door.

"Maintenance! Here to fix your bathroom," the fat, balding man shouted.

To be continued...

Click here for part 2

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